Snark

Article: "Palin rails against pathetic anonymous bloggers"

Summary: To retain her status as a mostly irrelevant symbol of macho-feminine folksy anti-intelligence, Sarah Palin continues to give interviews in which she embarrasses people with vaginas everywhere. "I wanted to be a journalist, but I'd have to go to Bristol, CT to do that-- that's so far away! So I had a baby and named her Bristol instead!"

Related article: "Twisby reads Palin articles, asks bartender to leave the bottle"

Summary: Much like Sarah Palin, Elyse Twisby hunts her produce in the wild supermarket aisles of the southern grocery chain Harris Teeter, taking deep pleasure in decerebrating mushrooms and tearing into the still-warm flesh of a freshly baked eggplant. "I wanted to be a professor of Russian literature," she says, applying an umpteeth layer of lipstick. "But that would have been pretty hard, so I drink vodka instead."