Quickies

1. Buses

Lately I've been in a dangerously bad mood in the mornings and it's been all I can do not to explode with rage every time I'm on the bus. Some guy will inevitably weasel his way into a seat that opens up right next to me every morning, forcing me to stand while 10 people squeeze past where I'm standing in the middle of the aisle. I have a new theory that the murderous ideations of serial killers are born on public transportation, and I dare you to defy me. Also, please don't give me dirty looks while we're across from each other on the bus. It's not my fault that you chose to put on that much eyeliner, lady.

2. Baby's First Car

Last weekend, I purchased my first car. Car shopping is a lot like clothes shopping except... the salespeople are usually fast-talking men, I fit into everything I looked at, and when I went home at the end of the day, I didn't hate my body. Now I'm broke so I won't go clothes shopping for awhile, which makes me sad... but I like my car. I'm trying to think of it as an accessory... like a really expensive, rapidly depreciating scarf.

3. Emotionally Unstable

In my life, a few men have referred to me as "emotionally unstable." This would bother me if I hadn't pieced together a few coincidental facts about these men:

1. They considered themselves to be very good looking and intelligent.
2. They were interested in me romantically.
3. I was not interested in them romantically.

Just throwing this out there, but maybe what's "emotionally unstable" about me is my unshakable opinion that they are undesirable mates. Also, who seems more emotionally unstable: me, or a guy who cries every day? That's what I thought.

4. Science

Science is like the big brother who sometimes lets you have the larger slice of pie for dessert, but then the next day he calls you fat and rubs your face in his dirty underwear. What a fickle, fickle world I work in.

I am the ONLY person who could slice her finger open and bleed profusely trying to BAKE COOKIES. I'm probably also the only clumsy, irresponsible cook who manages to have slip up with knives on a daily basis and can never remember to keep band-aids around. Every single finger on my left hand has bled this week. Last week, a paring-knife mishap caused me to slice between my thumbnail and finger (it hurt like a bitch) as well as behind my cuticle on my right ring finger. As a last point, if you have open cuts on every finger, don't squeeze limes with that hand. Maybe you'd have figured that out sooner than I did... I'm slow.

I should stick to yogurt. Nobody ever cut themselves trying to eat yogurt (except maybe on the foil lid... uh oh).

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Ladies, nobody in science is ever going to give you any respect. You're going to have to knee them in the groin, sucker punch, headlock, and choke hold them, kick them to the ground, beat them into unconsciousness with a heavy object, and take the respect you deserve from their limp, clammy hands. In an intellectual sense, of course... yes, of course...

Halloween 2009

I don't think I'll ever really understand Halloween. Is it religious or pagan? Is it for kids or adults? As a kid, wearing a costume made me cry, and other kids' costumes scared me. Even now the idea of dressing up like a stranger perplexes me... who am I supposed to be when I'm in costume? A character? Myself? Which myself?

I walked around campus on Friday as confused as ever. On a non-holiday, the undergrads look strange to me. Half of them are wearing baby blue t-shirts and athletic shorts, and the other half look like a bad cut/paste job from an Urban Outfitters catalog. On Halloween, I figure it's safe to assume they're in costume. Maybe the Urban Outfitters kids dressed up as the school spirit kids to be ironic, and the school spirit kids wore the ugliest outfits imaginable to make fun of the Urban Outfitters kids. Or maybe no one was in costume and they all looked like they do every day. Honestly, it's hard to tell the difference.

I spent my Halloween drinking wine and eating stir fry with a French Kiss, a wild type Drosophila, Pumpkin π, and a guy named Luv. My costume was Bad Elyse-- which is a joke, see, because there is no Good Elyse. Hahahaha. Ah, I don't get Halloween at all.