I guess North Cackalackys think it's getting cold here because everywhere I look, there are windbreakers, hats, sweaters, and Ugg boots. Not just Ugg boots, but Ugg boots with 5 inch heels. Hate to tell y'all, but it's still hitting 70 degrees in the afternoon, and if you were ever in a place with snow, those boots would cause you death or injury.

It was pretty damn cold in Chicago this weekend, so naturally, I contracted some sort of virus. My parents harangued me non-stop with their crazy Fox News politics. You can go home again, everybody, and when you do, you'll be as miserable as when you left.

That's a bit of an exaggeration. I went out to the local bars nearly every night and had a lot of fun. I remembered that I can make myself look pretty if I put a little effort into it. I also remembered what my hair used to look like before the humidity took over my styling duties. Hooray!