F M er L

Embarrassment is fleeting. Ephemeral. The dissolution of your pride is forever. Last week I forgot my cell phone at home four critical and excruciating times (iPhones are addicting), leaving me without the ability to text/call/FourSquare/Twitter/Facebook/take pictures of hipsters. I almost left my home without a bra on (I'm not enough of a hippie to do that on purpose). I forgot to eat dinner twice and ate two dinners by accident once. I'm dizzy, I'm spacing out, and I'm losing my mind.

All of this was merely harmless bumblery until Sunday. I drove to the store to pick up some food for a friend's barbeque. My braking foot slacked off at a red light and my car glided into the rear of the car in front of me. There was no damage and we exchanged phone numbers before the light even turned green. Shaking, I pulled into the nearest parking lot and immediately jumped out of the car to see if I had scratched my car in the incident, slamming the driver side door behind me and locking myself out of the vehicle while it was still running.

My cell phone was locked in the car. I wandered into a Whole Foods and asked to use their courtesy phone. Because of 411's voice recognition software (WE MEET AGAIN, electronic woman...) it took me 30 minutes to simply obtain the number of Durham's AAA chapter ("You're looking for Triplay?" NO. What the hell is Triplay?). It then took 20 minutes for the woman on the phone to correctly spell my first and last name (no, just because it sounds eastern european doesn't mean it has no vowels). I also learned that just because you paid to be a member of AAA in 2001 doesn't mean you're a member anymore.

The worst part about locking your keys in your car while it's running is that you have to tell people about it to get help. I dealt with this by acknowledging the facts right up front. "Hi, AAA? I locked my keys in my car. It's running, and I'm a complete moron." "Okay, honey, are you in a safe place?" "I'm in a grocery store, but I'd feel much safer if I could crawl into a hole and die."

The best news is that when you lock your keys in a running vehicle, you get placed on Top Priority, even if you're not really a member of AAA. I sat on top of my car in the parking lot and mentally gave the finger to all of the people walking by and laughing to themselves about my predicament. "See that dumb lady? That's what happens to your brain if you don't eat your organic raw sea vegetables," the mothers told their children. My salvation came in a red pickup truck 10 minutes later and managed to unlock the door without making too many comments about how ridiculous I was. He didn't even charge me-- I'm telling myself it was because I'm so cute, but I think that AAA made a mix-up and told them I was a member. Bwahaha.

I didn't go to the barbeque. I went to another grocery store (I can never show my face in Whole Foods again) and bought 1/4 pound of chocolate covered ginger to stuff the sorrows down my esophagus. Let's remember what we learned from my experience:

1. Don't use the window locks on your car unless your keys are in your hand.
2. AAA memberships must be renewed.
3. People are nicer to you if you admit your idiocy upfront.
4. American cars are easier to break into than foreign.
5. If you think you're going to lock your keys in your car while it's running, make sure you have plenty of gas.