My apartment

... now has food and bedroom furniture. Hooray! We used Tom's Sam's Club membership to go to Sam's yesterday and buy stuff that I use a lot: granola bars, tomato sauce, olive oil, paper towels, brownie mix (mmm), big frozen pretzels (okay, I don't eat a lot of those but they will come in handy someday when I'm craving pretzels). Also this weekend I've bought: french-style couscous in bulk at Whole Foods (I eat TONS of couscous as snack food), two containers of rice milk from Trader Joe's, my bulk oatmeal came in the mail from Amazon.com (best oatmeal ever: Zen Optimum), a couple of yogurts, ice cream (!), and brie. I wish they made soy brie (and for that matter, soy yogurt that wasn't sickeningly sweet). And a few minor other things. Luckily, I got paid on Friday, or I'd totally be broke right now. Most of my money goes to rent and bills but I have some money saved so I can afford to stock up on food like this as long as I don't like, eat it all in one week.

My dresser and nightstand came yesterday! They are so so cool. After I get my apartment straightened up from this weekend I will post a picture. They are black and have neat hardware on them, and the thing that I like best about them is that they aren't clear plastic tupperware storage boxes. I was using one box to put my alarm clock on, and two more boxes to store my clothes. All of my clothes smell like plastic. It is sickening. But now I can wash them and they will suddenly be bathed in pine scent! Which probably isn't too much sexier.

CONFIDENTIAL TO L.A.: I sleep at normal times. If you didn't ignore me so much you'd understand why I need to do this. Sorry I missed you, though.

oh my gosh, i've been so busy that i have been neglecting this little facet of my self expression.

last week i did three main things: eat, learn, and sleep.

i ate southern pizza again, because i'm a glutton for pizza-disappointment. i miss you, charlie fox's and giordano's. i tried chinese food from a place that had free delivery and it wasn't BAD, but it was extremely americanized. one night i ate chips and spinach dip for dinner, which made me feel pretty gross about my life. but last night, tom and i went to Lime and Basil, a vietnamese restaurant that everyone tells me is great, and it totally lived up to expectations. i had a chicken-broth seafood version of pho for $7.50 and it was a huge. finally i was able to enjoy what is enjoyable about asian food: the perfect blend of non-western flavors. it was excellent. the seafood wasn't great so i'll probably get tofu next time, but mm the broth and the noodles and the vegetables were perfect. mm Lime and Basil = the only good asian food in chapel hill.

i started working in lab. i only worked about 12 hours this week but i designed a sampling protocol for a video-taped behavioral experiment that the post-docs ran in june. i am going to go over the sampling protocol with them and hopefully get an undergrad to do that for me, or at least part of it. kendra (one of the post docs) brought in a bunch of wild-caught house finches from the aviary and she's going to start them on a short photoperiod so in 2 months she can stimulate them to reproduction again. she took measurements and weighed all the birds and i wrote down the data for her. i'm not on the protocol to handle the birds yet, but she let me practice holding one anyway-- you hold their neck inbetween your pointer and middle finger, and keep the tips of the fingers together. the bird has a surprisingly thin neck so this is not hard to do at all. if you have your fingers closed together the bird will not be able to escape your grip.

sleeping. i have not been doing enough of it. it's not my fault, really. i go to bed but i have trouble falling asleep. in the morning it is really hard to get out of bed. i crawl into the living room and do situps before i let myself do anything else. then i inject myself with a near lethal dosage of caffeine. no... i drink have a cup of coffee standing up at the counter (i have no chairs) while i watch Good Morning America.

my friend Tom is visiting this weekend! he drove all the way from chicagoland to see carrboro/chapel hill, delight me with his culinary skills, and be afraid for my health when he saw that i had no food in my apartment but granola bars, yogurt, Crystal Light, coffee, and condiments. we have been buying lots of food. now we are off to a coffee shop so i can do some homework. yayyyy work.

i'll try to be more clever and entertaining next time i post. SORRY Y'ALL.

Blogger regret

... but not what you think. If you thought something, that is.

Today, my first day officially working in the lab, my boss/adviser came in and reminded us that the printer in lab was broken, but if we had anything to print, we could use the printer in his lab.

"Just remember to bring in your dongle" he said.

Here is where New Grad Student Elyse was unable to suppress her giggling and pretended to be very interested in a map of the songbird auditory cortex. Luckily, I was the only person in the state who knew about the alternate meaning of 'dongle.' Hopefully you'll never be my boss, Jamie. You'll be forced to fire me for sexual harassment, and sadly, it will probably have nothing to do with the word 'dongle' and more with the fact that you and I would have a bias toward hiring hot hot hot hot man candies. That, and I have no self control whatsoever.

Today is the first day I've been (almost completely totally wholly) headache free in five days. I don't think it's possible to tell you what a great feeling it is to be able to move around in a well lit area without my head pounding and nausea welling up inside of me.

Jeff Tweedy has migraine headaches and he makes ethereal music. My pain causes me to wake up in the morning with schizophrenic-caliber theories in my head about neuroscience topics. I enjoy Tweedy's headaches more.

I have no social life here. I drink wine by myself in my apartment to soothe my sex drive and my headaches. I clean a lot. I do my work. I should have given up on social activities at UChicago, rather than pursuing them and experiencing frustration at their poor poor quality.

Other things I have noticed about the south lately:

1. People here dress in boring color and pattern, and everyone dresses the same.
2. Girls here straighten their hair, even though it's really hard to have straight hair here.
3. My hair is super wavy. No, really, I don't straighten it anymore because it isn't worth it, and now I look like a hippie/cavewoman/like someone who just had crazy sex.
4. Where are all the jewish people!?
5. ... And the brown people?!
6. Coffee is about 75% as expensive here as it is in Chicago. That is all I need to know about on-campus dining, thanks very much.

Reading a SEED magazine that i borrowed, i came across the world "solasalgia," which is pain resulting from one's living space. Thus, i would like to coin the world "solasthesia," the exact opposite, and instead of a definition, i'd like to point to my BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT as a shining example of a living space that has eased all of my past (and sometimes present) pain.

Another word that was co-coined with Jamie: dongle. It's already a word, but we gave it a new meaning that you can ask me about in private. My new goal in life is to see a dongle and document its existence somehow. Heffalumps and woozles! And dongles! Oh my!

It was a fabulous day in the 100 acre woods, AKA Carrboro.

internet warz

For posterity, here's my response to a comment someone left about a note of my friend's on Facebook. To paraphrase, my friend wrote about our need to overcome Puritanical ideas and embrace a more personal and liberal version of sex education, which she believes is the key to reducing the abortion rate in the long term. The other girl responded with some confusing rhetoric that can basically be summed in one of her sentences: "I do agree with sex education however, just like how we're taught not to do drugs and to not drink excessively , it still doesn't stop stupid people from doing it . [sic]" I objected to her use of "stupid" to describe people who engage in risky behaviors because for many it is culturally or genetically mediated, and she amended her statement to "Education doesn't stop people who don't care for others health and safety , who do not respect live and never will and those who do not think of consequences."

... which really set me off.

Should we consider those born with bipolar or schizophrenia, for example, people who don't care for the health and safety of others? Or should we consider a young female who makes the hard decision to value her own life's potential over the potential in 100 dividing cells in her uterus someone who does not think of consequences?

Simply because you were fortunate enough to be born into a family with no genetic predisposition or family problems relating to addictions or other risky behaviors, a family who instilled you with a strong black/white religious moral background, because you are the sort of person who is able to be unquestioning in the face of opportunities, does not mean that everyone is so lucky.

I believe that abortion is up to each person and should therefore be legal. We can only understand the decision from each person's individual situation-- I wouldn't want someone to make a decision about your body for you. I believe what Abby is trying to say is that each person needs to be educated, but deeper than that-- that they need to be educated about themselves-- their UNIQUE needs, the singular nature of their own life history and future. Only by encouraging women to be less prudish about their own bodies and the independent nature of the consequences of their independent actions can we expect them to make responsible decisions.

Education about sex should not be some abstract chalk-talk using plastic penises and latex babies, it should be an attempt to become intimate with one's own biological processes, value system (religion-derived or otherwise), and personal goals.

If a girl is aware of her own wants (professional/social/sexua

l/etc) and the ways in which she can facilitate or damage her path to success, RATHER THAN attempting to blindly appease someone else (a boyfriend/parents/God/etc) she can be more confident and more wise in her decision making when it comes to sex, drugs, alcohol, academics, hobbies-- you name it.

In summary, arguing with high schoolers who can't even use proper grammar is too easy and I can find better ways to use my time.

biking

Scratch what I said about being able to bike everywhere in Chapel Hill. You can't, at least not from where I live, with skinny toothpick un-muscled legs like mine. It's hilly! There aren't any shoulders or bike lanes on some of the roads! In short, I imagined that I almost got killed, and it was a scary scenario involving me on my bike, tumbling down a cliff, where no one would ever find my body.

holy crap

... I just saw a hornet the size of my toe. The toe next to the big toe. Why are the bugs bigger here? WHY!?

Also, did you know you aren't supposed to kill hornets? Because if you happen to be within some proximity to the nest it will release all these "I've been MURDERED" pheromones and the whole hive will come after you.

Also, only YOU can prevent forest fires.

Musings

Sometimes when i get a migraine (like now), i have this very 'religious' experience wherein everything has more meaning to me than it has in my pain-free days. Coincidence blows my mind.

This morning while I crawled into the kitchen and up the cabinets in search of advil, thinking how goddamn pathetic I must look, and trying not to vomit in my freshly cleaned cabinets... where am I going with this? Anyway, I thought that perhaps people like me get nearly debilitating headaches twice a month for a reason. Because it makes me think at least twice a month that it would be nice to have another person around to bring me advil and protein water in bed and tell me how brave I am for fighting off neurological electrical storms. Not just for fun stuff like makin' out.

Buuuuut, i think i'll be back to my old self by tomorrow.

UNC life pwns UChicago life

Being a student at UNC is the total opposite of being a student at UChicago. I haven't taken any classes yet, so I'm not even talking about whatever differences there may be in academic rigor.

First: If you go to UChicago, you have to live in Hyde Park, or you have to be willing to commute. Commuting sucks because there isn't very convenient access to campus from the CTA. Living in Hyde Park sucks because there isn't really a great place to live. If you live close to campus, you're probably close to Hyde Park Produce and your classes, but you're a long way from access to downtown and a long way from all the more interesting places to eat on 53rd and 55th street. If you live farther, you have easy access to all these cool Thai restaurants, Hookah, etc, but you have to shop at the inferior grocery store and you're so far from campus. The thing is, though, that you really aren't "far" from campus-- it's only like 6 blocks-- but it seems SO FAR, especially in the winter.

At UNC, you can live in another TOWN and still feel connected to campus. You can bike everywhere and don't have to worry about getting mugged when you walk at night. There is free bus transportation for everyone, and you don't have to have your ID to ride. There are cool restaurants all over the place. There are MANY good grocery stores (including Whole Foods and Trader Joe's) and local produce, and you can access them all by bus if you've got it together.

Second: Everyone here is NICE. At UChicago, when you walk into a room of people, you automatically get the impression that everyone is thinking of ways to prove they are smarter than you. Or that you put too much/not enough effort into your appearance, depending on the person. (Just because Einstein didn't have time to groom himself doesn't mean you don't have to-- you aren't as important as he is, trust me). People are on guard to any other presence because they must preserve their personal integrity as "a smart person." Of course, everyone there IS very smart. I don't understand why everyone's gotta have this complex.

Also, no one at UChicago will hold a door open for you unless they are from the midwest, and sometimes not even then. Because they are in their own heads, I guess? But it's not about chivalry or antiquated gender roles (even though most of the guys will argue with you that it is, mostly because they feel under attack by your statement [see above paragraph]), it's about not letting a door slam in someone's face if they are holding a stack of books, a cup of coffee, a baby, a rack of test tubes, a home-made atomic bomb, or all of the above. LISTEN UP: Everyone, everyone, everyone at UNC will hold open a door for you, unless they don't know you are behind them. Sometimes a man will stop and hold a door open for you and let you go through first.

And! Guys are just nicer here. No one yells crude things. Everything is subtle. And no one is trying to prove how smart they are in the first 15 seconds of your introduction to them. And if you don't know what something is, you can ask about it, and someone will tell you in a non-condescending way. Everyone is smart and no one needs to prove it in a social situation. That's how it should be, right?

The last big difference I've noticed in this week of orientation is that my advisers at UNC are seriously considerate about my mental welfare. "You don't need to take another class-- there's plenty of time for that later." "We know you will be busy, and we don't want you to be stressed out." I found myself itching to take an optional elective class and found everyone else telling me I was nuts for pushing myself unnecessarily. That would never happen at UChicago. Be relaxed? Save time for social things? Where has UNC been all my life?

I'm even finding it hard to be cynical.

OK BBZ

OH HAI. I am in North Carolina now, and I have internet, but I don't have time to update with pictures until this weekend. But I am having an awesome time, despite the fact that half of the people in my program are married. You can't win 'em all. I'll find other ways to have fun.

I had a miniature FREAK OUT yesterday when I met the head of the neurobiology department, and when I told him my name, he said he "remembered my application." My reaction to this was that my personal statement must have been extremely obnoxious (and I'm fairly sure it was) but everyone else assures me that it's a good thing. He wants to have a meeting with me and my advisers to work out a special course program so I can take behavior and evolution classes in the biology department and apply them to my neurobiology program and be a NEUROETHOLOGIST. Then, in just 20-30 years, when I've established myself in the field, I will start a science journal called NEUROETHOLOGIST for which I will be the editor.

I have plans for the next 50 years of my life but I don't have any food in my fridge and don't know how to use the bus system to get any. I'm imagining my interviews for post doctoral research positions and I haven't prepared for my meeting with my adviser today. Sounds like someone (me) needs to re-read Sometimes a Great Notion.

mini update

I made it to north carolina! I am... stealing internet, lying on my comfy bed in my beautiful apartment, and anticipating another OK day of graduate student orientation. I think all i have to do tomorrow is attend a panel on "choosing courses" and eat lunch with a grad student "mentor." Oh, and then i need to go to Whole Foods and stock my pantry with something other than bottled water and instant oatmeal. Although, i am able to thrive on instant oatmeal. I've done it before.

Flashback

I think a big part of life is delayed gratification. If you wait long enough you can have anything you once desired. Examples:

1. TONY SCALZO is my facebook friend *HeAdExPlOdEs*
2. [private]
3. They finally have Beatles umbrellas at the Fest!
4. Grad school, live in warm climate, have own apartment, etc
5. [private]

Sorry for all those privates. I don't know who reads this thing.

In conclusion: if you sit around and wait until you are a good looking 22 year old/have a college diploma/Tony Scalzo joins facebook, you can achieve ANYTHING. Unless you are Tony Scalzo-- in which case, you can't be your own Facebook friend. Sorry to disappoint.

Edit 8/9/08:
6. I finally met Mark Hudson! He's at Beatlefest every year and I want to adopt him as my crazy, rainbow-beared uncle, and I finally got a picture with him.

By the way, I'll be posting some pictures next week after the internet starts working in my apartment. And I probably won't post anything until then. Go read Jorge Garcia's blog or something.

my last days in illinois

Sadly, they have been filled with migraines and weather headaches. I won't go into all the vomiting i've been doing lately on this blog. Sorry, emetophiles!

When i'm not vomiting, i've been drinking, getting massages, and buying lots of stuff-- which i really shouldn't do, because now i have a lot to fit into my teeny tiny suitcase. This morning, Abby and i went out for coffee and "browsing" but i ended up buying new panties, a fedora, and a necklace with a vial on the end. I plan to keep something in the vial, but i'm not sure what. Illinois soil, perhaps, or maybe some of a lover's blood. Only time will tell. Time, and a court order.

handy graphic

no explanation needed, really. how do you compare?

random things

• i am sitting here listening to Queen on my iPod while i wait to go out for coffee with tom. it's pretty obnoxious to listen to your iPod with other people around but i think it's even more obnoxious to sit at a computer and sing "We are the Champions" into a remote control while someone is trying to watch television behind you. ah, well. sorry mom, but you raised me to be this way.
  
• do you know if you can bring anything at all interesting on an airplane anymore? like tweezers? or computer cables? or sex toys? i might have to check a suitcase.
• IKEA has all this crap on their website but they don't deliver half of it. where else am i going to find 15 dollar barstools? or creepy worm-like paper lanterns? how can i survive without modern art dishwashing brushes!?!??! it might be a big mistake to relocate five hours from the nearest worthwhile city (i.e. metropolitan area with an IKEA)
• being a girl > being a boy, reason #1: wearing dresses.
  

a post-script conclusion

when i moved, i found the other half of my post-its. for my emotional reaction to this resolution, see the bible's rendition of "the prodigal son."

"my thoughts on" the south

(once i dated a guy with a blog. he titled every entry "my thoughts on [subject that alludes to his emoness]." i hope this guy checks out my blog sometime and burns with anger inside that i would dare insult him and his emoness and his suburban angst writing style. here's to you, BT. )

1. cigarettes are half price in the south, but lung cancer treatments probably aren't.
2. west virginia is a beautiful place full of people who know nothing about customer service.
3. kentucky is best viewed while listening to a bluegrass radio station.
4. no matter how long you're in indiana, it's too long.
5. no matter how long you're in north carolina, it's not long enough.
6. i don't think you appreciate virginia as much as you should. yes, you.
7. THERE ARE GIANT INSECTS EVERYWHERE. by everywhere, i mean that i saw one in my bathroom, and that is enough.

you can read more about my journey to the south at my other blog, which currently has no posts in it, so i haven't posted the link yet. patience, my little mint juleps.